What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:42
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Unclear if rock bottom, but Braves hit it anyway in 11-10 stunner loss - Battery Power
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Utah woman loses 100 pounds in one year: Here's how - KSL.com
I think the readers, may guess!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
It was going to be , some day.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
SI cover model Livvy Dunne says she's being stalked in airports by 'middle-aged men' - NBC News
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Gina Ortiz Jones, a Progressive, Is Elected San Antonio’s Mayor - The New York Times
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ive learnt so much.
Wild card Boisson stuns Pegula - Roland Garros
I write beautiful poetry .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was seconnd youngest,
Dodgers To Designate Chuckie Robinson For Assignment - MLB Trade Rumors
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What are some fun/kinky things to do with your partner?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
CNN interrupted for devastating Elon Musk news amid Donald Trump showdown - Irish Star
She wouldn,t have been !
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Would this be the day?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?
All the time i was locked up.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I said to her
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
This is soul school!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We were not on the streets..
Who then, do I blame.?
I will be 64.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot live in the past .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i do to all so called friends.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
When she asked me how she looked .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But, we were locked up after school.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was 9 years of age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What did i know ?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She found it foreign!.
I have no regrets .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im still living with it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She loved him until the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He knew the spot.
My family never makes their pension either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And i lived it daily.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Comes on , in middle age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was scared of men, in general
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My life is so biszare .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,